god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
