stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
