You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
