He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you traded sex for a burrito?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
