i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
