I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
