Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
