he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
