Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
