i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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