checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
