i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
