i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
