You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
