i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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