what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
