I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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