How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
