the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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