I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
