Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
