And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
