So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
