so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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