pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
