If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
