i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
