I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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