it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
