I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My pussy is not your playground.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
