i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
