I cannot find my penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
