Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
