This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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