Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
