Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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