He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My bed smells like the plague
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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