I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
