Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
