I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
