It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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