I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
