some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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