Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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