i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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