Nicole vs. Life
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
