You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
