So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
