yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
