I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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