I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
