I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
