How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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