dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
